in which john accidentally homosexuals
by pepsicola porn
Summary: AU Hogwartsstuck: John is fascinated by Karkat's horns and can't stop touching them. He wonders what they taste like...? DRABBLE. KK/John. Rated for language and suggestive accidental jizzing. :D


"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

You are John Egbert and you are currently groping a certain Karkat Vantas' horns. When you first met the grey-skinned troll you had been impossibly fascinated by his horns because good god they were so adorable - and not in a weird way or anything, they were just totally awesome. During your first meeting your eyes had been glued to them and you knew Karkat noticed but he said nothing about it, despite the obvious discomfort he felt (he kept shifting and furrowing his brows like he was frustrated but didn't want to speak up). It wasn't until you got closer and became buddies that you began to entertain yourself with this desire to touch those horns. You'd touch them at random; during your study sessions in the library, in the middle of a conversation, during class, during meals…it wasn't like you didn't understand it was totally inappropriate to start touching a troll's horns. You knew it didn't help that you would do it during the worst possible moments, but you had become more impulsive lately and these impulses struck you at random.

Karkat would always flail and complain and you'd stop but then you'd do it again a day or so later. He still hung out with you so he couldn't be _too_ bothered by it. Besides, you never got tired of feeling the smooth hardness of his horns so you did it quite often. It was just so cool! You'd gone to Hogwarts for three years and you'd never seen a troll before, not the kind that Karkat Vantas was, and it was almost as awesome as the moving staircases and talking portraits. Almost. But it was still pretty awesome.

No matter how many times you touched his horns Karkat always acted like his chastity was in danger and that just made you want to do it more. It was so funny to see the way he got all red and spat at you like a cat yet he made no real move to push you away. Even now as he glowered at you, leaning forward in your chair to rub his horns, he didn't make any move to shove you off of him. Your study materials lay forgotten on the table and Karkat was red again and you were trying not to laugh.

He wiggled in his seat and scowled at you as you rubbed his cute little horns. They were as smooth and cool as always and you really never did get tired with touching them. Karkat made these tiny "augh" and "errrgh" noises that made it extremely difficult for you not to giggle. In fact it only proved to push you into pressing your thumbs against the side and rub harder, a goofy grin crossing your face when Karkat all but sputtered and Karkat didn't sputter, you'd known him long enough to know this.

"We're in the library you stupid ugly little - aughhh."

Obviously he was finding it difficult to speak at this point. Awesome! You were always up for learning new things about Karkat and these trolls. They had transferred to Hogwarts for reasons unknown to pretty much everyone but nobody knew anything about them or the school they used to go to. Their species was pretty much a mystery and it wasn't like they went around conducting "lessons of an average troll and troll society" so you had no idea what the purpose of horns were or the weird words they used. But you didn't really care, finding out on your own made you feel like a scientist! You were conducting experiments for science!

And this was totally for science, too.

Suddenly you were struck with a new scientific inquiry; _I wonder what they taste like?_ Feeling was one thing. But you always wondered if they tasted like candycorns because they sure _looked_ like them. And you liked candycorns. It couldn't hurt, right? At this point Karkat was used to you groping his horns and laughing at his attempts to get you off without resorting to physical violence and you had learned quite a lot with acting on impulse.

Hey. It didn't hurt to try. You were kind of hungry, anyway.

So without any warning you stood up from your seat and leaned forward.

"What are you doing _now_ you insufferable noo-"

_Sluuuuuuurp._

"Augh!" Karkat gasped. "What the fuck is wrong you - errrgh, stop it!"

Oh, man. His horns didn't taste horrible but they didn't taste good either. Your nose wrinkled thoughtfully as you licked the other, just to be sure, and heard Karkat's breath hitch and then he moaned. You didn't realize that was what it was at first since you were used to Karkat's weird noises, but you couldn't really mistake a moan for anything else. You jerked away so fast that your seat wobbled and you toppled onto your back, legs tangled with the legs of the chair.

"Ouch…" you whined as you rubbed your head, pushing off the ground into a sitting position. You looked up at Karkat, who looked mortified, gaping at you in horror. It would usually make you want to laugh but nope, nope, no, not right now. Right now you wanted to run away and hide under your covers because you just made Karkat Vantas moan and you licked a place that you just now realized was not supposed to be touched. You always just thought he was ticklish! You thought touching his horns was the equivalent of tickling someone's stomach but obviously you were a pretty sucky scientist because _that_ theory was way wrong.

You looked at his horns and saw them shimmer with your saliva and despite how horrified you felt you let out a high-pitched, nervous giggle.

That was a mistake. "WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO YOU AS A GRUB TO MAKE YOU SUCH AN OBNOXIOUSLY IDIOTIC NOOKSUCKER? WHEN SOMEONE SAYS STOP YOU STOP, OR IS YOUR THINK PAN SO UNDERDEVELOPED THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN PROCESS THE MEANING OF 'STOP'? I SWEAR TO GOD EGBERT SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I EVEN WASTE MY PRECIOUS SECONDS WITH YOU WHEN YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT WORTH ALL THIS PRECIOUS SPACE AND AIR. YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE A FUCKING IDEA. WHY DON'T YOU DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND END THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A LIFE?"

You blinked at him with what was probably a derpy expression on your face (you didn't think you were all that "derpy" but Dave used that word a lot so you decided it was appropriate for the situation). Then your eyes flickered lower when something caught your eye and your eyes popped right out of your head.

_Oh. _**_Oh_**_._

Suddenly it all makes sense and you were extremely embarrassed. So you had technically been touching Karkat inappropriately for the past few months and you just - oh gosh wasn't that like giving a guy a BJ? Did getting a guy off make you a homosexual?

You were so busy having a mental breakdown that you didn't notice Karkat angrily grab his stuff and storm off until he slammed the library doors open. You jumped and twisted around to attempt and clean up the mess you just made (you nearly giggled at the thought since you quite literally did make a mess but then you realized how gross and wrong that was so you didn't) but Karkat was gone. You stay rooted to the ground, a stunned look on your face as you try to completely absorb what just happened.

Then you heard the angry, heavy footsteps of the librarian and scrambled to gather your things and run for the hills.


End file.
